The most beautiful type of Love

Many people has warned me about how busy being a daddy might be but I guess I got lucky again. Not only did I have a wife who is able to manage the kid really well, I also was blessed with a super mum who is able to help with the home, and lastly a kid who is very independent.

I home our gahment ain't reading this but I seem to be able to manage my time so well that I actually have so much time to visit old shows that I always wanted to watch but didn't.

Considering it is Feb, I've decided to check out some of those romantic shows that I've always wanted to watch. Nah, not the typical rom com that makes me really happy but those that is on the opposite spectrum. So I checked out Wong Kar-wai's "In the mood for love", "Chungking Express" and a newer "If I Stay", which features our favourite Hit-Girl from Kissass, Chloë Grace Moretz.

I never thought I would love these shows given how much I am into the whole "happy romantic relationship" kinda person. And in fact I never thought I could sit through Wong Kar-wai's show. I've heard so much of it being "too arty" for the mass audiences or even people telling me things such as "I've no idea what he is trying to show".

These shows made me think a little more. Even for a person like me who is in a long term relationship for the longest time. What is the most beautiful type of love? Is it one that makes you really happy because you got it or is it those that leaves a strong taste of regret because you almost had it?

Is it the idea of love and company that we liked or is it the person that you are in love with that you really like? Many movies and shows always talked about that FIRST love that you had that didn't complete. Is that your favourite "love"? If that is your "favourite" love, wouldn't that makes your currently stable relationship or marriage 2nd? Should it be that way?

We have all watched, heard or even been through one of those relationship that was almost perfect match in terms of partner but was served to you together with a bad situation. What was your solution? Did you fight to keep those relationships or did you let it go and let it slip into regrets?

I don't have an answer and neither am I seeking for one but what I am saying here is that these shows are so well done that they make me think about it. Appreciating the feeling of not having something at the end of the day and keeping those beautiful memories instead of possessing something instead of giving it a chance to burn to the ground.

Anyway, if you are as ignorant as me and have yet to catch these shows, you should really give them a go. You can erm, actually find them on Youtube too. :p I mean if you like it you can always get their DvDs and Bluray.

Besides these thoughts, the show has also very nice old songs as OST!





Anyway if you were looking out for daddy blogpost since I'm now a dad, you probably ain't gonna see much on this space anytime soon. But if you are really interested, you can check out my Dayre.

I'm not big on Dayre but if you want to read more about Daddy Smith, here you go. https://dayre.me/smithankyou 

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Love is in the air.

When you are in your 30s, there are some events that happens so often you have no idea how to be excited about it anymore. If you are wondering, yes, I am talking about events such as weddings, baby shower, baby's birthday etc etc kinda awkward social event where people gather too often enough to "show face".

As you should have gathered by now that I am not a big fan of such events considering how differently I did mine and also how small scale it was. I really hate it when people attend because they "had to" or they attend and give off negative vibe.

Me doing the whole stand up comedy thing when it was actually a speech. 

That being said, October 2015 is a very special month. Not only did I attended a wedding happily, I attended 3 weddings happily. And when I said happy I really meant HAPPY HAPPY. Because these are some friends that I could never imagined them settling down. :X

Wedding No.1 - Jacky + Aggie 

Jacky was a very special friend. A friend that I would love to keep close to my heart for many more years to come. I met him when I was a teenager from school. We spent a lot of time doing nothing and you know what they say about relationships that can just enjoy each other's company and do nothing. He was the guy who started my drinking "career". He would always put us before him back in the days. He would want to expose us to the world out there. Although we haven't been spending that much time together these days or have much similar goals or interest in life, he is one of those guys that I would always say, if not for him, there wouldn't be the Smith you see today. 

He spent most of his post puberty life trying to find love. If there's a song I will pair him to his love life before his wife would probably be "find love in a hopeless place." I am very happy he found his wife. Although we might not be very close friends but I would say that his wife made him a much better person. And that is how relationship should be, making each other a better person. Not about changing each other, about influencing each other positively, about each other willingly adapting to each others life. 

Wedding No.2 - Melpig + Huat 

我們倆一起打著一支小雨傘

Where do I even start when it comes to this woman? She is one of those friends that enjoys a "love hate relationship" with me. No, we are not frenemies but more like those that enjoys bickering. Not too sure how she enjoys to be honest that but I sure enjoys disturbing her. haha

We met few years ago on Twitter and our friendship escalated on one of those night where I didn't have much to do and we started talking on Facebook and I got to know her better. Because of her, I was part of one of the world's largest service organization - Lions Club. I can't say enough how much I've seen and learn before of this opportunity given. She treated me like a lil brother (not so lil in terms of size), and her family treated me like one of them. She is never shy about how she feel about things or about me. We have been through lots of argument and happy moments together as well and I know she is the one person that will always help me as long as she can, even when she couldn't she will make sure she get me some help.

I am no love guru but the type of love that Mel and Huat has is very different. There's no fluff, no romantic "I love you" bs but I can tell that they have found a soulmate in each other. Love is not always rainbow, unicorns and pot of gold and this two knows it. They have each other in good times and bad and that's when you know they will always be there for each other. Mel is a fierce woman (gonna hide myself after this line) and Huat is the fiercer man that can keep her in place but yet at the same time you know huat shows his love and care in a very different manner. In a very traditional manly manner that is rare in man (or rather boys) these days.

Hidden behind her screams and table slamming skill, Mel is yet another 小女人 with her new hubby - Mr. Turbo Huat.

Wedding 3 - Sng Tan Kuai Le 

And I did not even remember taking this picture that night

Do you remember when was the last time you got so drunk that you have no clue how you went home? I remember mine. It was just a few weeks ago during this crazy party. We had so much to drink and I even fell on the ground while going home and injured my chin, my face and my hand. That was how drunk I was! Eun Tan + YH Sng and together they are Sng Tan Kuai Le. 

It was seriously one of the best wedding ever. No march in, no silly table photo takings and just many good looking people having a good time over food and booze. I was very proud to be the emcee for that night because this woman is one of those that I care a lot for. I always believe she deserves a good man and I am very glad she found a good man like YH. YH is quirky and funny in his own way. They call each other "bro" and they ain't even facebook friends. What a cute couple right? I really respect his "come what may attitude" which was demonstrated on his wedding day when the wedding car broke down. There was no argument, angst nor panic. He just took it as it is and he sees it as a positive lesson from the universe teaching them to do and solve things together as a couple. #SweetMax  

I met eunice some moons ago at an event and I did not like her at all. I find that she "act one atas" and very dao but universe has his own way of working things out. We became colleagues and when you have common enemies you guys become tight very easily and when you are in an agency, life is like a battle field (everyday). We fought (together and each other), we had disagreement, I had to deal with her PMS emotions, she had to deal with my bad attitude and I almost died once in her car after a meeting where she was very affected (Yes, we been through life and death situation.  ) but we also shared many late nights together(working lah), laughing, gossiping and also partying. (few occasions only actually) We were so close we were known as the office spouse but all good things come to an end when she divorce me left the company for a greener pasture.

And we also have this very famous non-singing singing duet.

Marriage and Weddings 

For someone who ain't into weddings or marriage, I sure did enjoyed myself a lot this October sending my friends off singlehood and into married life. "Welcome to Hell" I say. :x

Getting married is just the 1st step and I've seen 3 very different couple getting married within 1 month and I will say every couple has their own set of problems and happiness and it is not up to anyone of us to dictate what is right or wrong or compare who is a better couple. Every couple has their own way of making things work. Some choose to work as a team together while others work with one being the driver and the other taking a step back.

We all seek different things in life, to my friends who are seeking a happy ending in terms of marriage I hope you find your one and to those who prefers to stay single, may you have all the single fun on behalf of all the married.

Anyway, signing off with one of my favorite quote from a chick flick about relationship (duh).

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That 1,000 Woman in the Prison

So recently I got started on this show "Orange is the new Black". Not exactly a new show, 3 season but I just started last week and now I'm at season 3. #IDoNothingForMyWholeWeekend

And my favourite inmate is - Nicky! Because she is funny but also very sad story for her.

But the hottest inmate so far for me has to be Brook Soso. I always have something for ABC girls but her character in the show is so irritating that she can't be my favourite. 

1,000 woman in the prison

Anyway this post ain't exactly about the show. I just wanted to share a convo between a friend and I this morning. Content - about cheating man. As in man who cheats in relationship, physically or emotionally. The golden topic about relationships that never gets old.

M: "She has been cheated on twice. Damn suay. That's why she is very worried on getting into a relationship and get cheated on again." 

Smith: "There are 1,000 prisoners in the prison not because there are only 1,000 people who broke the law, it is simply because only 1,000 people got caught. She ain't suay that she found the 2 of 1000, just smart to have caught them. Smart enough to catch them doing it." 

M: "You are so positive. (To make her feel good about herself) "

Smith: "Actually that sentence was a very sad sentence. I'm saying that all man cheats. (Some point of their life, big cheat, small cheat, physically or emotionally)" 

M: "Yeah, Smart woman catches their partner doing it"

Smith: "Smarter woman pretend it didn't happen" 

Thousands of books, thesis or what not has tried to explain why man ain't hardwired to be in a monogamy relationship but to many they are just excuses to make things better. It ain't a solution for all of course especially in this society where woman are asked to be treated equally. Of course, what we said here are some generally sweeping statement and people will say things "woman cheat too", "my husband has never ever cheated" etc. Good for you guys to have your own beliefs and I'm not here to change yours but I am just sharing our thoughts.

And here's a song that my friend DJ BehindTheBasics introduce to me that suits the theme.

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1 Way to love your Husband.

I mean we get this type of articles such as "how to love your partner" or whatever not commonly off thoughtcatalog but this time round we have 1 article from a local mummy blogger.

30 ways to love your wife

I must say she is pretty good because my wife, who doesn't doesn't read anything care about anything off the internet besides cute kitty and doggie videos actually read it and SHOW IT TO ME! 

I mean it's pretty obvious what it means right? It just means that "hey, you better learn something from this list." (And I don't like the sound of that.) 

I am no love guru but I do believe that we all show love and want love in a different way which is why I'm a believer of the Love Language. I can't say reading all this list of 30 ways to love your wife or husband is stupid but I guess sometimes it's not 1 size fit all (see what i did there) and most definitely not about comparing or thinking about how someone should love you. There is NO fairy tale. We learn to love each other the way we want, we learn to find the best mix and we give and take. For example, you give and I take. 

So ladies, there is only 1 right way to love your husband... 

and that is...

Ok fine.. obviously I am trolling you guys again. To be honest, the truth about loving someone, regardlessly of Wife or Husband is always the same and that is Loving them the way they want to be loved. And that is my 1 rule for loving someone.

Bonus tips to a happy marriage:

Mr.Smith, love making guru I am!  

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What is your motivation?

"Man's greatest motivation in life is Fear and Greed." 

According to Phil Jackson's book "Sacred Hoops", that is what his CEO of Chicago Bulls believe. And how true is that and how untrue is that?

Being a marketing and advertising person, it's not uncommon that we try to go into the head of our target and think from their perspective. How will I make them buy my product? How will I make them join my contest? Basically, what are the consumers' behavior towards our product. We might not be psychiatrist but we do spend a lot of time doing that and sometimes the answer we get is pretty good. So how often do we use greed and fear to motivate them and does it work?

Fear 

Honestly, this use to be my bread and butter as a sales man selling events and planning services. We will always make event planning sounds so difficult. The trouble of getting the right licensing for the right kind of show. PELU, Compass, NEA, BCA, SPF and many more. It is so mind blowing that the client will say it in his mind "Wah, so many things to do just for a roadshow? Damn, I always thought I just need some girls in bikinis to give away my flyers." Thanks to all these ruling in Singapore, it makes events planning kinda intimidating and that's where I come in to help you with getting the paper work done and best of all we do it all the time and it is like a snap of a fingers to me.

I guess it works the same for many other sales man from insurance to the guy who sells magic mop or some super sharp knives or even the property agent. One of the classic would be " I've got another person viewing this unit too. So let me know if you are interested else the other person might want to put the down payment 1st." Tar dar. And more often than not people fall into such "motivational traps". All you need is someone to push you over the top on saying yes.

Greed

Looking at this two motivational source, they sounded more like vice and sins to me than anything else and the bad news is that they are something that I work around.

How do I use greed? Familiar with these terms?

"50% Discount"
"Was $299 now $149 ONLY"
"Buy 1 get 1 free"
"LIKE MY FACEBOOK PAGE AND GET A FREE APPLE PIE!"

So I guess that rest are self-explanatory isn't it. Greed has always been the easiest form of motivation even in day to day case. "I buy you lunch if you...." "I give you this if you...." And our basic performance bonuses, year end bonus and what not bonuses at work. But are all this monetary bonus something that keep people in companies and making them happy and work in 100% effort or even 110% effort?

Zen master says... 
it's love and community. That is what Phil Jackson believes. He believes that the power of community and love beats Greed and Fear anytime. And he wrote that book in the 90s. And do you know what he just said? He just pointed out at us the beauty of social media - which is Love and Community.

Community and Love

The best motivation as pointed out by Phil. Greed and Fear and only bring you this far but a good community brings you further. This is what social media is. Viral. How someone shares something and everyone else buy. The logic of why we prefer to read blogs and try things that are being talked about online. The community. The basic logic of "when everyone is trying it out, it can't be wrong." The Love when your friends ask you to do things as a team when you feel accepted as something as a team - Oneness.

I remember how I spent my money like water thanks to community love. Forums. I used to collect toys, I still do but not as crazy and how did things got out of hand? Mass orders at forum, people sharing what they just gotten and what is a must buy. You have no idea how many of those toys I got just because everyone else has it and sometimes because they needed one more person to buy as a group before they deliver it to Singapore.

How did some girls start losing weight on internet? The motivation of community. Challenging each other who loses more, the comments on Instagram that goes "Looking good XXXX".

How did some people started cycling. running or any other form of hobbies? The power of community. Word of mouth. And this is exactly how Facebook and other platforms are doing it isn't it? Sharing the latest food or the latest happenings.

In a good office environment, we have heard something like this too often, "The job sucks but a job is just a job and having good colleagues is important and make things worth it. We laugh and cry together as a team." That is always why HR experts always stress on the importance of team building, company trips, dinners and dance which will allow organization to create better results. It's not just about another day running under the sun trying to find clues or doing trust falls. Those are just activities to help speed up community building. Solving problems together, achieving something as a team. These rewards are priceless and it is something that will keep building. And this is the power of community and love.



So what is your motivation? Choose your poison.

Mr.Smith, come come, kor kor give you love.

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Lianhe Wanbao - Thank you very much.

For those of you who are not from the media, let me 1st start with sharing with you some information off SPH's sales deck.

Taken off their website, there are around 400k readers each day. And below is how much you will have to pay base on different days/ different spot/ different color to print something on Lianhe Wanbao.

Anyway, if you are not too sure how to read this rate card, I will summarise for ya - it's freaking expensive. 

So keeping this fact in mind, i actually "earned" quite a bit of money off SPH cause I was on their papers, front and back and full color.

Front Cover.

Back and full article. 

For those of you who have no idea what the Chinese paper is trying to say, it is basically reporting about my latest "production" with Omy.sg. Read more about it here!

It's my silly video gig thanks to Janet. So apparently now I am the hitch. A silly and Chinese Version.

pretty close considering we are both Smith(s). 

 There is nothing to hide about how excited I am about this considering the fact that it is my very first time on the papers. It's really pretty funny to see myself on the papers. So far nobody ask me to sign on it yet thou. HAHA.

Updated:

Here is the full list of videos.



Mr.Smith, now now, who needs help with girls?

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What 10 things should you do every day to improve your life?

We always talk about setting new year resolutions or how to improve our life but do we really know how to make your life better? Does earning more money makes it better? Or does being famous makes everything right?


1. Family

We all know how nagging our parents can be. Nagging about us from minor things from "why is your room so untidy." to "When are you getting married"  and to "When are you giving me a grand-son." but above all, nothing beats spending some time with your family. Watching TV or shopping, anything. It's always good to go back to the mother ship for some comfort.

2. Exercise 

Most of us might be too "busy" with life. Such as entertaining your clients, partying with your friends, drinking cause it's your friend's birthday or maybe just because your friend just lost his girlfriend. It's all nothing but excuses if you ask me. I feel that exercising really keep your head up above all the stress. The adrenaline, the me-time that you have to remind yourself that you can make it and you will be so focus running your ass off and you will not think about anything else. That keeps my mind very sane I must say. Short walk, run or maybe even a game of competitive sports.

3. Sleep

Other than getting all worked out. Nothing gives you better quality of life than sleep. Resting your body and soul is important. Never ever over work yourself.

4. Love 

Love yourself. Love your family. Love your friends. Why live a life if you have nothing to fight for?

5. Forgive

 

  Hatred is like rotten tomatoes, you will be the one smelling it if you are the one holding it. Let it go. Life will be a lot more beautiful.

6. Stay Positive

Easier said than done. This has to be one of the hardest on the list which is why I will teach you a very very silly way of staying positive but trust me it works.

This is a little trick I use when I was back in the army. Always compare your situation with something worst. If you got an extra duty - at least it's not a weekend duty. If you got an weekend duty - at least it's not public holiday. If you got a public holiday duty - at least you are doing it with your buddy. If you got a public holiday duty without your buddy - at least you didn't get TWO. So basically, your situation will "never" be the worst one to be in.

7. Challenge Yourself

Always challenge yourself. Set goals and target and hit them down. Not only does it work like a cup of coffee for the ego, it also keeps your alive and pushing and improving. What's the point of living a life that has no ups and downs? Playing Candy Crush can be a very pain in the ass challenge. Yes I AM VERY ADDICTED.

8. Express Yourself

We live our lives in a hopeless place. In a place where everyone judges everyone else. But the truth is there are so much we wish to do but we don't dare to because we are worried that people doesn't accept us. There are so many misunderstanding because we don't tell people we love each other, because we don't tell others how we feel, because we said something and we didn't mean it. If you want something, if you love someone, let her know.  "How does she knows that you love her?"


9. Be Alone

Regardless of how happening your are or how much you love your friends or family. It's always important to have some time to yourself. Know yourself, recollect yourself, understand yourself and like mentioned earlier - love yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself, give yourself some time and space off things.

10. Have Sex

Must I even explain this? If you really need me to say something, sex produces endorphins and they make you happy.

Mr.Smith, love yourself, improve your life.  

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How To Pick Up Girls.

It's the month of February and we all believe it's the month of love making since Valentines' Day falls within Feb.

Although all that have been said about the commercialization of V Day has killed a lot of fun but as far as I know people are still celebrating Valentines' Day as well as whining about how they do not have a date or 2 on the day itself.

If it haven't been going your way when it comes to relationship or even making friends/picking up girls. Why not let Rui Long, Janet and myself give you a tip or two on how to pick up girls or boys?





This is only 2 of the many videos we have made and the videos will be release 1 per day for the rest of the month. SO if you like what you seen, do stay tuned to Omy GoSocial!

P.S: Videos are meant to be funny and if you really wish to try it out. Please let us know the result. :p

Mr.Smith, picking up girls can't get any easier with these videos.

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Top 10 Christmas Gift For Him and Her 2012

It is X'mas again and it is the time of the year to receive, give and share! It's the season of Love!

Above all the fun and laughter, drinks and food there will always be a few problems like where to eat to avoid the crowd, where should we party and the most painful problem for most friends or couple will always be "What should I buy for him/her." Although we always say that money can't buy you love but I am saying this that showering each other with gift is a way of showing love too. Try not buy anything for the occasion and let me know the result. I mean if you could survive that.

As many magazines like to do it, they will create a mood board with their Sponsored favorite item on a list! So I thought why not let me create one too!!


For Him:

No.10: Wii U.

If you man in your life is a little boy like me. This is what he would like to get his hands on!

No.9: RB3025 004/58 Aviator Large Metal.

It's a sunglasses it's a Rayban, it's an aviator. It never gets old doesn't it?



No.8: Light Saber

I believe at any one time in any man's life, they wished they had one of this. Most of the time when their boss was nagging at them but other times they wish they have one at home.
No.7: The LG 55EM9600

This 55 inch baby is no joke. It is nominated by Cnet as one of the best TV. Imagine the porn videos he could watch on this baby. It has one of the best screens in the industry!

No.6: The LG Nexus 4

I an apple dude, I'm featuring this, you go do the math on how good this can be.

No.5: Twilight Box Set

The Saga is finally over. The agony of every man listening to "will you go to the movies with me for twilight" will NEVER EVER HAPPEN AGAIN! He will totally want this so he could ask you to watch this while he goes out on a guys nightsout!

No.4:A bottle opener.

Why?




No.3: iPad Mini.

If he haven't get his hands on one. It's about time.

 No.2: Volvo S60

 They call this the big boy toy and no doubt about it. One of the sexiest machine on the road. It's Volvo, it's cool and it's non-mainstream. He will LOVE IT!

No.1: A Good Time

Buy yourself a costume. If you wish to be a lil more into the season, get a Santarina. If you want it to be fail proof, try nurse, police. teacher or the slutty personal assistant at work; just be very careful of the name he is screaming.

So we are done with for him... and next...

For Her...

10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4.
3.
2.
1.

Actually I have got no idea either!

Mr.Smith, Buy Buy Buy, Mai Tu Liao!! #BBBMTL

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No $6,000 No Talk.

You know how I always like to talk about current affairs like the Xin Min kinda gossip but on my blog? And also how I like to talk about "Love"?

This is a very interesting topic which I missed cause I was really very busy during then but I felt there is a need for me to go back date just for her. The very daring Singaporean woman who believe that love is not enough. So what is? Money.

Presenting the "Not-so" Current Affair. "No $6K No Talk Girl":



Before I go into detail analysis of this whole situation, I must say a few things about her.

1. She is not bad looking.
2. She is very honest.
3. She looks very sincere when she talked about the money.
4. She is very daring to say this in front of national TV. I respect her for that.

Is love really not enough?

So is constant income = constant love? is constant love = constant income? I am not sure how many of you guys are familiar with love language but showering each other with gift IS one of them. Basically it is about how to keep your partners happy but is putting a "KPI" onto it really something you want to do?

Food for thoughts

1.Will she break up with him even he lost his job?
2. Will she break up with him if she felt that $6k is not enough in time to come?

I am sure money plays a part in a relationship, I've seen relationships that fall out due to money but on the other hand I've always seen happy couples with no money or little to spend. It's about knowing each other and being together. I don't know her personally but I am making a daring assumption that if I someone could make her fall in love with him for a start, that can be secondary. In life, we always set targets but in life, we too compromise too often to get what we want.

Is it not a familiar scenario where you will close an eye on a scratched pairs of heels just because you like it and it is the last piece? Is it not a common sight for you to buy something even a little too tight but just because you waited so long and wanted it so so much. So my point it, I don't think that is who she really is.

Is $6,000 good enough? 

Look at it from another angle. Is $6000 enough? Or is it possible? I say yes, possible for some industry and for some age. Looking at her age let me assume that she is 25 and she will like guys up to 5yrs older than her limit. Age of 30 to earn $6,000? Not impossible but how easy is it?

I have no idea how many percent of the people are scholars in Singapore so let's generalize the "commoner" like myself.

Complete Polytechnic Education 17 - 20 > Army (2yrs) 20 - 22 > Unistudies (3/4 yrs) 22 - 26yrs old.

So let's say you did avg during your school days and you get a job as an executive at a big firm with starting pay of $2,000 - $2,200. So you have 4 yrs to stay single and get pay of $6,000.Note: stable income she is saying.

But what about a slow bloomer who earn a good avg 3k +- all the way until age of 30 - 35 and late he earns a monthly of 20-30k?

What a bout a person who live on the roll that he has unstable income but if it hits it come in $50k - $100k per Qtr?

What about a person who doesn't earn money but is very rich cause of his family?



Is Honesty really the best policy?  

We've heard the saying that honesty is the best policy. Is it true in this case? I did not finish show, i have no clue if she was selected by any man but she sure didn't get popular with any man in front of the TV. Check out those comments on the youtube video. It is mad!

Anyway, I've heard inside news that most of these participants are seeded in. So I am not surprised she said that out of the script.

TV shows aside, what about in real life? If you are out on a date and there is this person that you really really like and he mentioned something that really go against or not inline with ya, will you pretend to be who you are not just to get closer? For example, he really love animals and thought that people who doesn't like animals means they are mean and not caring, and so happens you had animals. Not dislike but HATE. What's your call?

I don't suppose we should stereotype that Singapore girls are materialistic just because of a video like this. I have met too many ladies who understand the fact that as man in Singapore, life ain't easy at all. We start our career slower and it's not exactly easy to be ahead of them.


 This sums it up really well.

So is love enough to have a good relationship or does it takes a little more? 

Mr.Smith, Got money got talk?

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Good Bye my Brother. I miss you Kor.

It has been a month since you left us kor. It has been more than a month since I last wrote anything on this space. I am not strong enough to accept this fact as it is. I knew that the very next post is going to be a post to honour you. My brother, my role model my BFF. Yet on the other hand, writing this post is just too painful and it is like forcing the fact onto me again. There are no words that I can put together to tell you how much I miss you, how much I wish things did not happened this way. 

Our first and last solo picture together.

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I close my eyes every night hoping that you will be the voice to wake me up, you will be right there by my side, teaching me, scolding me and loving me once again. I wish that I can travel back in time to tell you what might happen to you and find a solution for it. I am ready to risk the butterfly effect of anything that might happen to me. I want to find a time machine, I want to find the dragon balls, anyway to bring you back healthy and happy in front of me but I know all this will never ever happen. I close my eyes sometimes and hope that you will call me, you will sms like you always do. I walk back to mum's place and I hope to see you sitting there watching tv like you always do but you are never there, never will be there. It hurts, I hate to go home now cause you are not there.

Our final family portrait.

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I have to learn to move on my life without you, taking the responsibility that has been on your shoulders all these years. At a young age, you took over the responsibility of being not just my brother but also my father. You influenced my life in every way possible. From music to sports to decision making, we share so many common interests I don’t even know what are the things that we didn’t agree on. There isn't a need for us to tell each other what to buy for each other during x’mas or overseas trip, we always know what we want and like.  The only reason why I can be who I am today is all because of you. You sheltered all these responsibilities from me, you gave me room to grow, and you gave me freedom. 

Your well deserved glory.

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I feel sad that you worked hard all your life but you never had the chance to enjoy it. You fought hard to become a pilot with the air force. We had little help from the family financially but you made things happened, you fought for your future. At a young age, you have a car, a home, a beautiful family. You have a career and you have kids. You have everything under your feet but time. Time was not your side. I always wanted to be like you, young and successful but I'm sorry to disappoint that I am not even half a man of who you are. I do not have a disciplined attitude like you. I do not have a big heart like you did and truly, I don’t think I will ever be where you are.

You made us proud even till the very last moment. I am very glad that you received the glory you deserved. Do you know you were on our major papers? I remember I used to joke about how I want to be on papers someday being featured not only on the obituaries but you beat me to it. I like fame, I enjoy fame and I was never as down to earth as you were. I remember years ago you bought me a keychain from Genting with a foot print and you told me you wanted me to be down to earth. Nobody knows my weakness as well as you did. 

You on wan bao.

You on TNP.

You on AsiaOne yourHealth

You on ShinMin.

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Kor, I have already shifted into my Punggol place, the one I got opposite your place. It was almost like it was meant to be. The moment you shifted into your place, we said that I will get the place opposite you and we can Mahjong anytime. I got my place but we will never be able to MJ together. You came to my place when it was still bare and naked, now it is filled with furniture and more but what is lacking is your voice and laughter. Kor, why did you do this to me. I was packing out things and I saw the toys we played, the things you gave me. You never fail to buy me things from every one of your trips and every thing you got for me always goes to my favorite list.   You always do your best to get me the things I wanted. Do you know how painful it was to box up all these things? I cried, I cursed at god, I scolded you, why are you not here with me to shift my house? I am your baby brother and I always need you by me, I need your help to pack these things together. Remember we had a plan to renovate my room at mum’s place so we could make a time capsule with all our toys? Our ninja turtles, our transformers and dragon balls. Why did you bail out on me? God, why did you take such a great man away from us? Why?

I cried like a baby the night I went thru these stuff.

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You were and will still always be a topic that I talk about. Since young I always go like “ My brother plays bball very well.” “My brother is a pilot.” “My brother drives this car.” All my friend knew you as if you were their friends cause you were always part of me, I am so proud of you since young. 

My brother the pilot

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There were so many friends who came to send you off that few days. I was very touched. Really very touched. All the msges, tweets, smses, I really appreciated all of them. I dunno how to thank all these friends that helped but I really feel very loved. You guys know who you are.

Many people told me that I now need to take over from you taking care of the parents or helping with the kids. I know it is my calling but I will never be able to fill your shoes. I hate myself for being helpless, I hate you for leaving this job for me and I hate that you created big shoes for me to fill. I know you love me too, I know you were proud of me too, although we are from a traditional family that we don't tell each other but from the things you have done I knew how much I meant to you.

We so smart hor!

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Do you know that I did a tattoo on your behalf? Remember the tattoo you designed a year ago but your doctor didn’t allow you to do it cause it was dangerous? You created a shield and it included everyone for your family. The thorns that represented pain. I know what you meant, you wanted to protect your family, you wanted to take the pain from them. You wanted them to be protected by Christ. It’s a shame you didn’t manage to get it down so I decided to do it for you. It might be one of the very last wish I hope I helped you to fulfill. I edited it a lil based on my understanding, I made it into a circle, circle to represent infinity, to represent completion. This is the shield of Will. I still remember how we were discussing about this design, we always ask each other opinion in everything, from purchase to action, we always discussed. I cried the day I realize I can't ask you if you like my edited design, I cried when the fact hit me so hard that I am all "alone" now.

Shield Of Will.

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I’ve no idea how to finish this post, there are so much emotions in me, I write, I stop, I cried and I write again. This is the hardest blogpost ever.

Like during my eulogy to you I mentioned that I dunno what is afterlife for me. I know you found a place with Christ, I know you are in heaven but I dunno if that is my calling. I lost faith, I haven’t been praying to any great power since you left cause nobody saved you. There is no miracle in my life. I hope I can find it some day, I hope I can meet you again. If there is a next time I want to be your brother again but this time round I want to take care of you. I want to be the one to take the pain and I want you to have it all. You could have had it all.

Below is a song that Ka Keong wrote for Ka Kiu when he died. I never imagined me playing this song for you but here it is.  Kor, I really hope you are at a place where there is only love and no pain. 

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Your wake was the most glamorous one, you had so many friends who wanted to talk about you, to honour you and to pay their last respects to you. We grieved, we cried, we smile and we prayed. Above all these emotions, we all missed you deeply.

Here is the eulogy by your boss, I thought it was so you. Everything he said was just you in every way. I might not know any of your co-workers before that but the stories you told me just allow me to easily put faces to name.

Eulogy by Moses Tan

Firstly, from all his friends in the RSAF to you, Kimmy, and all of Will's family, our deepest sympathies and condolences.

Good evening brothers and sisters in Christ. My name is Moses Tan and I worked very closely with Will in Changi Air Base and subsequently in Air Combat Command during the period from 2006 to 2010. I first got to know Will in late 2006 when I was posted to CAB. As most of you can recall, it was around that time that Will just had a tumour removed, recovered well and was embarking on a very different track of his air force career. If not for the visible scar he had, I really would not have realised that this is an individual who had just experienced a life-changing, near death episode. There was absolutely no display of resentment, anger nor wallowing in self-pity, for being thrust into such a situation so involuntarily. In his usual cheerful and positive outlook, Will was the necessary sanity in a S3 Branch's frenetic atmosphere. He was a rock!

I think many of Will's colleagues and friends can testify to his determination. Anybody coming into the S3 Branch – the workhorse of any air force base – would have to be in the pink of health, possess an enormous level of endurance, and be ready to put in loads of personal sacrifice. On top of that, working with me could easily turn anyone crazy. But Will jumped in feet-first, never skipped a beat and joined in seamlessly. He wasn't a mere supporting cast. With his background in IT and computers, as well as his well-grounded attitude, Will became an essential, reliable and loved member of HQ CAB.

As all good warriors are, Will was strong and yet gentle. He showed concern to people, not just people he loved, but to those outside of his circle of friends as well. Ever ready to help others in any way he could, almost to a fault. He always stopped to talk to our cleaner aunty, canteen operators and contractors. He was the first to know that one of our maintenance contractors was suffering from cancer, showed compassion, spoke to her and comforted her.

As a friend, Will was very dear. He always found time to be with friends, very loyal, very kind. Always ready to step forward when needed and extremely resourceful. I remember telling him that I hoped my car registration number would not strike the 4D that night because the number was sold out. He made some phone calls and with his cheeky smile told me, “Sir, kao tim liao. Remember to buy me dinner if strike”.

When I was slated to attend the KC135 conversion course in the US in 2009, Will was most helpful with my pre-course preparations. I inherited all his aircraft manuals, kneeboards, and even an aviator's flight bag. I also remember him saying that I could afford to spend the entire four and a half months in Altus without a car because all I needed to do was to buy my course mates beer and will be able to get to use their cars for free, and besides, everything interesting in Altus was within walking distance. Well, that did not happen. All my course mates were about half my age, and were not too keen to hang out with a lieutenant colonel. Clearly, Will was a person that could easily get along with people, even with the Ang Mohs. When I got to Altus, I found out that Walmart was a 2-hour walk from the base, each way! Not something I would readily do on a mid-summer's day. Later, I realised that he offered a similar advise to a certain MAJ Chan Wee Wee, who actually retraced the steps which Will took in Altus.

Being a NOOB to game machines and IT gadgets, Will was the guy responsible for introducing me to the world of Sony PSPs, Apple iPod Touch, and those really overpriced Crumpler messenger bags. He convinced me to get the PSP and I was hooked on to it in no time... until my son, Malcolm took it away from me. When PSP2 came out, he knew that I was looking for a reason to trade in the bulky PSP1. He went the extra mile to help me source for a 'buyer'. Little did I realise that he had to coerce his sister that it was a fair deal and that the soon-to-be obsolete PSP1 was good enough for her. Well, admittedly, I scolded him for the 'scam', questioned how he could do this to his baby sister, and immediately knocked off a few tens of dollars from the agreed price. Till this day, I still patronise a certain toy shop in Lucky Plaza level 3... he told me to always quote “I AM SMITH'S FRIEND”... a sure way to get a good deal and maybe a few free games. A really good advise indeed.

Ipod Touch... he showed me the Touch in 2008 and promised me that it would change my life. Certainly did! We even conducted lectures with the Touch, screening Youtube videos – all safety related – to keep our audiences awake. Beside helping me configure, jailbreak, and get up to date with technology, Will transferred many gigabytes of songs, Cantonese serials, and PSP games into my portable hard disk.

During my time with him, Will spoke fondly about many of you. Despite not having met some of you until these past few weeks, I had this very strange sense of familiarity the moment I could put a name to the face... all possible because I have heard about you from Will even before having met you. Clearly, he was always happy and enthusiastic to tell me about the important people in his life. I can only mention a few tonight... mainly because it is quite challenging for my fast failing memory to recall all that he told me, and really not so much that you were not in his thoughts before. Also, I am no word-smith. So pardon me if I have failed to paraphrase and articulate his thoughts accurately.

To Will's family, I have always admired the closely knit family that you have. Those birthday parties where there was a collective effort to organise the games for the kids, MC the event, coming out with interesting ice-cream flavours... many of us were really impressed.

Kimmy, you were his pillar of strength. He used to punctuate his sentences with “Kimmy” ever so often. You were always there for him, listened to him. With you beside him, there was very little left for his guardian angel to do. I noticed this very evident fighting spirit in him. And it became apparent where it originated from... when I saw you urging him to FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!

His kids meant the world to him. At the time we spoke, Jordan wasn't born yet. Nonetheless, it was clear that Will was an extremely proud father who often flaunt his kids to us, especially through Facebook. He had lots of dreams for them. He wanted the kids to grow up wise, God fearing, respectful and successful people. I am sure he will continue to watch over them, protect you all from harm and appear in your dreams.

Smith, you guys were not merely Will and Smith by coincidence and you were more than just a brother to him. You were his BFF, shared common interests, so alike, in so many ways. Most importantly, you guys are fun people to be with. I am sure you will be around to teach his kids how to have fun, have a good sense of humour and turn a dull party around. To him, you were his best brother.

Joyce, Will was tremendously proud of you. He mentioned that although it was his responsibility to support you through your studies, he never found it a chore at all because he felt richly blessed to have a sister like you. Yes, he got you an old PSP, but I am sure you were equally happy with that.

He also spoke about his pals from 114 Wings Course, how one of the course mates had a mansion so huge that you could not see the house, standing at the gate; his squadron... like how Uncle Ho K would freeze up mineral water prior to the flight so that the crew have cold drinks in flight. I practically knew about the squadron before I even got posted to 112 Sqn; his basketball kakis... like Teh Hua Feng, who was not only a natural leader at work but on court as well; and the fun times he had with his gaming kakis in Kumpung Pungol. There are just too many to list.

Before I end off, I would do a very bold thing to convey his gratitude to some of the people that he felt very grateful to, on his behalf...

To Chief of Air Force, for making it your personal interest to ensure that our application for grants and assistance are addressed expeditiously, for this, he is truly grateful.

To Commander ACC, when it became inevitable that his wings could be removed after he was medically grounded from flying permanently , you stepped in, made the unprecedented decision to allow him to continue donning the sacred golden wings, despite the fact that he was only a CAT C pilot, he is truly grateful.

COL Ng Chee Keong, you prayed over him during his darkest moment, when he was filled with fear. Your words brought him strength, peace and comfort, he is truly grateful.

Foo Kok Chiang, you were there for him throughout. During his self-imposed driving ban, when he needed frequent medical treatments in the hospital, supporting the family during this challenging period, he is truly grateful.

Snooker, you hardly knew Will. But you worked tirelessly to raise funds, apply for grants, and bring comfort to his family during this trying period, he is truly grateful.

To his pals from 114 Wings Course, you guys took turns to keep him company, feed him, keep him awake when he could hardly keep his eyes open, he is truly grateful.

To commanders and men of the RSAF, your immediate response and generosity following our various appeals for assistance, he is truly grateful.

And finally to Will...

I know as humble as you were, you would be pleased to know that many of your friends have been grieving. We have all lost a dear friend, and we are going to take a while to get used to that.

Will, you have touched our lives during your brief stay here, and you will always be remembered.

Moses Tan

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Kor, I hope all is well for you. I will live strong and do you proud. It is hard but I will. 

Until next time Kor. 

I really really miss you. 

"When I want to do something, I Will get it done" - Will Leong explaining why his name is Will. But I believe the truth was because he was so into Fresh Prince of Bel Air then.

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