I contradict myself 30,000 times a day.

Do you have a voice in your head? No, I am not talking about SIRI. That is in your phone and probably the AI of Steve Jobs since he passed on. I mean the voice you talk to and the voice you fight against every second in your life. When life threatening decisions are to be made, do you talk to yourself? What about some situations like you know what you need to do is different from what you want to do?

I think I go through such issues like 30,000 times a day. I have this voice in me telling me things of what to do and I discuss with myself all the time. I never understand why I disagree with myself so much some times. Below is a sample list of some of the things I fight against myself very often.

I need to save money - I want to buy a new PS3, new phone, new camera.
I need to get my driving license - I do not have enough money, i need to save for my wedding.
I am so getting married - I think I want to party.
I am so going party and get drunk - I am not in the mood and just want to stay home today.
I am so staying home today! - I am damn bored at home!!!
I am bored and shall do some work and maybe some new proposal - I am lazy and I shall rest since it's weekend.
I shall so go to the gym or out of the house since it's weekend! - I am really lazy, maybe I should just stay in and pack my room.
My room is too messy, I shall pack it. - I think i shall watch some Dvds first.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!

I think I am going crazy.

Anyway I was also talking to myself about all this wedding preparation thing. before talking about all the "event" preparation, I still am not too sure how "ready" I am. I want her, I love her but yet I am very worry about not having space in between us. I am still very worry about days that I have to work late or entertain people or go to event and I have to leave her at home all alone. I want to go home and spend time with her but yet I am very worry that I will bored her up spending too much time together. I can imagine us having a good evening at home , just the two of us wit my two kitties and having a nice home cooked meal whip up by me but I can also imagine the problem we going to have on who to mop the floor and clear the dishes after the nice meal. There are too much uncertainty I am facing at this point of time and I don't think anyone can make me feel better about this whole thing other than myself.  I know many people who are happily married but on the other hand I also know many people who just surviving in a marriage or worst, falling out of it. Is this pre-wedding stress? There are so much responsibility one is going to pick up and seriously how do people go through this?

I know it's silly to be thinking about such shit at this point of time. Not just because we are engage but it is because I know I am a very Lucky guy to find a girl like her. Especially when I am who I am. I am not the best guy out there although I think I am not too bad either. HAHA. What can I say other than the fact that I am lucky I am in love with my best friend?



Mr.Smith, I think I just need somesexone to be there for me and I know I have found that someone.