What happened in 2018?

If you have been a reader of this space long enough, you will know that I will always do a summary post and share the crazy things I've done for the year but I supposed 2018 is gonna be a little different.

2018 was a tough year. I may or may not have shared much about it on my Facebook, Instagram or even on this space but it really ain't an easy one. It's not like my pet goldfish pass away or because LeBron is now in LA but the fact is that I haven't been too motivated in everything I was doing.

I might have a lot of "friends" but I ain't exactly one of those guys who share my troubles to any friends although I do share my listening ears very often. It's not like I do not have close friends who are willing to listen but I guess it's just not in me to share my deeper thoughts. Although I talk and speak a lot on a day to day basis, to tell ain't exactly me.

No doubt the business did pick up with more clients but that wasn't enough to keep my head up.

I didn't manage to visit the gym as much as I want to. I did not pick up my camera and shoot things I like. I did not travel much either. I wasn't really happy despite the smile I put on most of the time.

It's not like it's all low and I did not achieve anything this year but I just don't feel that much like myself. I was slipping. I was in a slump. I didn't rest well nor ate well. I wasn't as determined as I was or I wish to be. I lost my focus. I stop writing as much on this space as well. It's like I lost a big part of me and I can't truly explain myself. I was mostly angry and I surrounded myself with bad habits and excuses to make life a little more bearable temporarily. I was delaying my pain. And I put on so much weight.

1 thing for sure is that I did watch a lot of programs and shows on NetFlix. I hardly sleep so it's either NetFlix or just me staring into space at night. It's not like I'm suffering from insomnia but I just don't feel like closing my eyes.

Maybe I am just jaded or maybe it's mid life crisis some may choose to call it. Regardless of what it was, it has to stop. I need a change. Not too sure how to achieve it yet but I hope help is on the way. And when I say help, I mean myself. Nobody can change me. It's probably all on me.

Depressing stuff aside, Seth has grown up a lot over the last 1 year. He is smart and sensitive. A very caring child and probably more than I could ever asked for. I guess that's my only wish now, for him to grow up as a happy and healthy child.

On top of work and family, it's actually a rather progressive year for me. I became a career guide helping students and young adults with their career choices. I know it's strange how I can do such things by the day and have so much fun but I just become this really depressing person alone at night when night falls. Anyhoo, I met a lot of youngsters and dished out some (hopefully good) advice here and there. Results aside, I did make a lot of new (young) friends through this program by NTUC. I guess my passion still lies in helping people and working with youth.

Maybe I've set my expectation too high each year and having what I've achieved this year doesn't seems like much. Maybe it's about time things slow down a little, maybe I've reach my ceiling, maybe, just maybe, I need something more in my life.

My Instagram Best Nine. (Based on the images I like. Seriously who cares about likes?)