Why is life so fragile?

Another one bites the dust...

I was telling one of my younger crew that I'm attending another wake the other day and he asked me,

"I do not understand why must we hold wakes or visit wakes... The person is already dead. Why spend all the time and money?"

He didn't say this to diss anyone but he legitimately doesn't get the significance of the event. I don't blame him, he is still young after all.

I told him this,

"It's to celebrate life. To honour this kin for the very last time. For his friends to pay their last respects. For the family to grieve, and also to get the both moral and financial support they can from their family and friends. Such wakes are not cheap, I attend wakes more willingly than weddings to be honest. Sometimes some of these people just pass on so suddenly leaving nothing behind for their family and they really need the support and help. On the other hand, weddings, well, you have a choice to do a massive, grand, and expensive one or you can just do a simple small ceremony. The choice is up to the couple and it is usually planned. If you do not have that kind of money, do a small one, don't expect people to help you pay for your weddings or cover your cost. It's not business, if you want your friends to be happy for you, I can always write something on your Facebook wall."

Well, I dislike weddings and I diss them a lot. That being said, I really am happy for close friends who are getting married but if this person ain't exactly close and just want me to fill the seat around the table to eat a overpriced dinner that I didn't choose with 8 other strangers, sorry, I'm not into that.

It has been a rough month for me. My friend's dad pass away late March, followed by a friend's brother just a week ago, he was only 38. I just attended another wake of another friend's brother who was only 39. Why is life so fragile? They were only in their 30s and nobody saw it coming. It just hit them like that. Just a few days ago, I received another news of one of my ex-colleague, who passed away at the age of 49. He was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and passed away rather quickly. He has no symptoms or whatever so before that.

It's hard to hear such stories even if that person is not close to us or even a stranger, so can you imagine what the family is going through?

Maybe it's just me or maybe it's because of what I went through with my brother. The kind of support you get from your family and friends really counts at times like these. My brother made me very proud. His wake was filled with his friends and ours. Truth is, it does make things easier to know that he has touched lives and made a difference to people around him during his time with us. I would say it's pretty much your life report card. Everyone came and sent their condolences, everyone had something good to say about him. It does help, no one wants to grieve alone. Any moment alone kills me. I'm glad I had friends who came to send their condolences and some even stayed to help. Everything was a blur, I could hardly remember everyone who came but I am very thankful for every bit of those comfort sent my way.

Life is so fragile, sometimes things just happened like that. It's really important for us to tell our loved ones how much we love them and appreciate them. I can't imagine me leaving my family, my wife, and especially my son. He's only two. I still want to see him grow up, do things together, his first date, everything that he can achieve. But do we really have a choice? We can do all we want, exercise, sleep early, go for regular body check ups, not drink, and not smoke. Strangely that's everything my brother did but he left us at a young age of 35 leaving behind a wife and 3 kids. It has already been 6 years since.

Many people tell me time will heal but the truth is I never want it to heal. I want to remember the pain of losing him. I want to remember everything of him. I want him to be part of me forever. And the extended grief and pain reminds me of everything and kept everything real. He did happen. He was with us. He ain't just ain't a fragment of my imagination. Some days I fear that I forget how he looks like, how he talks, how he sounds, how he moves, and how he showered us with love and life lessons. I never want to forget. I never want it to heal.

It's never a choice for us on when we leave this place. Do we really get to go to a better place? Or a worse one? Or do we just cease to exist? All the things we did and fought for in life. Does it just disappear into thin air along with the end of our lives? No. It is still there, still true but only to the living. Death is not the hardest part. The hardest part is always for the living having to deal with the aftermath and pain. So when do we cease to exist? When nobody remembers us, when those who remembers us leave this place as well. I never want to forget, because I choose to believe that he will always be with us as long as we can remember him. Leaving behind a legacy.

Legacy, what type of legacy do you want to leave behind?