Where did you go?

Last night was a very emotional night for me. It was silly actually, cause it all started with me pressing my own shirt.

The truth is, "I am Iron Man."

It was actually my very first time taking the iron out from the box to do my ironing ever since I moved into Punggol. I'm bad at ironing, I can do everything at home but just not ironing. (that has nothing to do with this post actually.) While I was on it, it reminded me an incident many years ago, one of those night before CNY where I attempted to do ironing for myself while watching TV with the baby sister standing beside me. We have always been best of friends and she likes to hangout around me and watch me do stuff but it was one of those night that shit just has to happen. I actually hit her at the nose bridge with the tip of a hot iron and cause her skin to be cook and peer off almost immediately. It was just a few mm away from her eye ball. She could have became 1 eye Jack.

It reminded me so much more. It reminded me of the times all 5 of us spent under one roof laughing and playing. We might not have a lot on our plate but we were happy. We watch TV, we sang, we played. We cried, we fought, we screamed but ultimately it was all good time spent together. A time where can never go back anymore. Growing up forced us to move on. She is now staying at the hall most of the time due to work while I'm married and shifted out living the parents at our place. Death forced us to move on, lord took you away, away from us, away from home.

We will NEVER be able to laugh as a family, to sit around the dining table or mahjong table. We will never be able to joke or sing in harmony although we could hardly get the pitch right as a family. Nothing. All these thoughts killed me. It's really silly cause it started from nothing but pressing one fucking piece of clothes. I cried, I weep, I stoned.

There is nothing I can do or could have done to stop myself.

Then I remembered this song. Where did you go.

Thank you for taking these words out of my mouth, putting it together and singing it better than i ever could have. This song is by a local indie singer who is also a good friend - Shimona Kee. Originally for her brother Reuben who passed on during an accident. And now I am singing it in my head for you. Will.

https://soundcloud.com/shimona/where-did-you-go
 
"Where did you go
when I turned around
you were there just a while ago

You walked along this life so strong
how could you suddenly be gone

And I am waiting for the moment you return
I am waiting for the door to open
I am waiting to hear your voice
But where did you go, you're not here.

Where did you go
in the blink of an eye
you were gone and I did not know

I cannot see how you disappeared
from my life in a wisp of wind

Maybe someday I will understand
Maybe someday I will see
Why the Lord had to take you from me
but for now, you are gone, you're not here."



I thought the lyrics are beautiful. So so beautiful and at the same time so painful. \

How many more moons must this pain go on for?