The Leader.

Remember how we always hated begin chosen to be the team leader for all school events? be it from group work to sports meets. We always felt that leader has high responsibility and get more shit. But seriously if you play the cards right, the leader more often than not does the least, but still inevitable - highest responsibility when things happen to when a decision is to be made.

Textbook - leader vs manager and blah blah blah. Remember the last time you were made a leader officially? What about the last time you were a leader of your social group unknowingly ?

How it Happened?

How does this works ? Bringing your back to what happened few hours ago, I was talking to Fiona over a coffee. I think this coffee comes in about about the right time. Not only did Fiona learn more about me, I think i get to know myself a lil better too..

The discovery

We were talking about the standard mid life crisis issues, money, love, work and friends. We both agree that it stinks to give pple around us advise when they do not help themselves. I love to share my 2 cent worth and I always want to help my friends and to me its a responsibility for me to make sure all of my friends are well and happy. More than glad that my friends felt that I am the clear headed one and ask me for 2 cent but it just sucks when time and again i see pple around me coming to me with the same old shit, not improving, not growing, not moving on and less getting wiser.

Ouch

It hits me hard in the face when Fiona ask me if I share my problems with people around me. I pause.. awkward pause.. even longer awkward pause. It dawn on me that I never share any of my problem with my so call closer friends. Not Keong, not Jacky, not sianzrong, not even ah dum. Do I NOT have problems? or do i not treasure their views? It never seems either way to me until Fiona's question. While I am posting this posting I realize I do go to Joy for a lot of comments on some stuff which is weird cause I do not meet her that often and neither do we hang out that much anymore but it seems to me she is the one that I go for some clear minded answers. Probably cause she do not side anyone at all?

Double Kill

For the person I am with quick answers ( or smokes), Fiona managed to make me pause twice. And this two pauses ain't minor pauses. They are Major Pauses ( Do the Robin and Ted Salute - Major Pauses). Why did the clique stop hanging out? I always thought that it's because we grow up and we move on and we drifted a part because of differences and because we do not share the same interestes. I point out like some likes to go KTV, some like to spent, some prefer to save money and some just likes to smash the PS3 and not adapting to changes. As we move on with the topic I realize these are excuses I made up for myself.

Bad Leadership

The real reason apparently seems to be that the tripe leader lost his mojo.The pro-activeness. Who is the leader again? Apparently according to Fiona it was ME ! And thinking back yes it was me ! I realize that the homies got together because of Jacky and I. Jacky introduce most of us into this clique and we hang out and I was more often the person who will cre8 "events" and got everyone out. Playing some Board games at Pitstop. Visiting interesting events. Coming over to my place during CNY to play cards. Hanging out at my place for MJ / PS3 Session. Even watching movie together in my room w the 14inch TV. I was the social "leader" back than. Am I ? Fiona was telling me how the guys were enjoying the parties I throw on and off but I never knew that.



Where did he go?

So where did the Leader Smith go? Convenient excuses is that I got busy with school work and work. The Blame will be I think everyone else is busy or everyone else didn't appreciate the events or I think these guys didn't wanna hang out. If they wanted they could have throw the parties right? Seriously I can't remember what happen and how it started but we just dun do wat we use to do anymore. I tried to explain to Fiona that because .. because... I can't come out with an answer too. So was it me that I didn't hold the guys together? I actually paused for another 5 mins at this point of time thinking how to carry on with this paragraph...

So apparently ...

I assume quite a bit rite? I assume that you guys didn't enjoy, I assume that you guys didnt wanna hangout but one thing for sure is that neither did you guys complain. So where did I pick up all this signals ? ( another 3 min pause )

no answers

apparently I have no answers... but I suppose I still have time to make things right.. Right guys ?

我不作大哥好多年