The last time I wrote something in this space was in 2020... In fact, I wasn't even half-active at the time. I started writing as a teenager because it was trendy, and largely because I wanted to improve my writing. My friends helped me to proofread and even edit the post. It then became a habit after a while, and soon it just became an outlet. Writing something out on paper or on this blog just helps me to get it out of my head. Think of it as a process of me emptying my heart and head, well, putting them somewhere else.
Things changed over the years. At one point I was writing for a living and it literally was a job and it just got till a point it was a little much. I thought I will take a short break since nobody reads anymore anyways, the 6 days become 6 weeks and before you know it, it has been 6 years.
I guess one of the main thing is also the fact that I've gotten a lot more private. I've learnt to deal with challenges and issues more privately. Do I really need strangers to judge me for what I'm going through?Am I still that guy who needs to, or even wants to, find the like-minded and inspire them like "oh you are not alone" (I'm not even a Liverpool fan.)
And just like that, 6 years. Many famous people died during that period of time, Sex and the City, Gossip Girls, many of our favorite shows made a comeback, and had a 2nd death. We millennials had life so good and I think our biggest problem is that we just can't let go of our past. We are mostly in our 40s and we still behave like in our 20s (Besides our legs and BMI), we still love to watch our favourite show from the 90s. Rerunning F.R.I.E.N.D.S for the Nth time, and it is still hard to believe that we finally found out how the F we met your mom, and in fact it has been so long now it feels weird that we aged physically but our mind stay at the age where we love the most - as painful as it is, our 20s.
I guess one of the other reasons why I stop writing, is largely because it feels a lot like im just rambling on and I'm just too lazy to get things "right". Do I need to edit my tenses? My grammar? Or even making sure this piece is "readable" and the flow makes sense. I guess it's somewhat important if i still expect anyone to be reading this but I guess that ain't happening.
Over the years, I've changed a few jobs. Life... was kinda amazing. After all the up and some downs, I learn a lot more about myself. I changed some of my perspective in life. Now I'm back running my own agency and at the same time teaching in a school as a part time gig. I also started another business and that' exciting. On the work front, I guess im in a decent space. Despite being senior at work and in the industry, I'm still learning. And that' fun for me.
Family life has been great. The wife and I are still together. (Just in case, you know how rs are these days.). I don't know how to put it but I feel like as we age, we know each other better, the comfort didn't make things boring, the comfort gives me a bigger sense of peace, a sense of security, a sense of consistency that I never knew I needed but appreciates. Waking up not needing to have that stress, waking up not having any dramas, waking up knowing that as long as I dont fuck it up, I've someone there loving me in her own ways.
The outcome of our love(making) has given us 4 children now. 3 more than the last time I updated this space. Life has it's own way of giving me signs and answers a I guess. It's funny how I'm actually enjoying being a father, watching these lil asshole disturbing me each day. I've done a lot of shit but this journey is a really unique one.
I know it kinda sucks that I did so much on this space for Seth that he could continue to read some day, probably when I'm long gone but I didn't do much for the rest, but hey, life's as such, it's never fair. Sometimes it ain't even about what you've done to get something, it's just because of time and space. That's how the universe is. Suck it up boys! (Now that sounds weird).
Friends - we can't win everything. We lost some of them along the way, we got a few along the way. This is the part I actually paused and got a lil stuck. My relationship with other humans, my ability to make friends, being fun at party has always been one of my greatest joy and superpower. However, as I aged... I don't know what I'm thinking here now. I guess this is probably the.. strangest part of my life now that I can't really make peace with.
oh oh oh, and I'm fat.
0 comments:
Post a Comment