Juz me ~ confuse

Seriouly.. this week aint a good week.. so busy.. in the company suddenly so many things happen.. actualli.. not many i guess.. just one.. my OC's back.. he kick it off with a scolding screwing den mentally stressing u.. den cause everyone to stand by bed daily n so on.. and pple start to think is his fault is my fault and so on..

and yes of cause.. the sgt talk to us again.. for?? for us being and ass?? or are they the one?? i seriously think it takes two hand to clap.. and well i have to totally agree..i'm an ass for good.. why?? i have too much of my own thinking, i am always a loud mouth person with comments which canot nv be kept to myself.. hero? zero?? smart alec? i dunno.. i will say that is just Smith..

ya.. same old topic abt friends.. i dunno if my friends are so sick of my attitude.. but i will say i am sick of myself.. anyone reading this n link to me talking abt them.. dun worry too much.. i meant this post for everyone of my friend.. why?? cause it is abt me so if u are my friend.. u automatically drag into the picture lor..

Me - pple who dunno me who offended me will nv have good life.. this is my 1st weakness which i realli hate.. no forgiving is install in me.. i can nv give pple achance once i'm unhappy w him/her..

Me - everyone can be a bastard and yes that is me, being a loud mouth n a person with unlimited comments.. my comments is hurting like blade and i know it.. but i just stop it.. for a min i think i sound like xiaxue.." xiaxue means snow in chinese , stupid " quoted from her blog.. :p

Me - i just take n give n nv maintain.. why?? am i lousy a person or i cant be borther?? dunno.. maybe too narrowminded.. this friend do sumthing wrong i know i cannot tahan must say.. that friend change abit i buay song i siam.. siam-ing might be a good way of not spoiling the friendship but the friendship just dissapear.. no time to maintain friendship?? i guess that is an excuse i gave myself at times.. cause i realli have too many "friends" ? i dunno.. and i guess i realli care alot abt my dear until my friend abit oppo my dear i will condem that person or so.. well dear.. not your fault also..

Me - i always wanna do my part in a way whoeva ask me out or whoeva's birthday i will be there n spending money which cause me to be so broke which i guess no one realli believe but that is not the main point.. mainpoint i treasure friendship too much until like off point cause once pple abit not insync i get very very uncomfortable

Me - good friends which i drift apart - Willis , David , Ryan , Zhi Hua , Keong , (SR + faith - once ) and some i might even have forgetten since the drift?? they might not know what happen or it is just me?? willis david is just cause of time.. Ryan i guess cause of interest? i've change to someone i dun like.. i like drinking while he cant n i spent late nite outside.. Zhi Hua - to me was cause she change since she slim down, to some party animal which i cannot take n topic dun sync.. Keong - this is a very sad sad case.. for pple who know us or read our blog shld know.. i dunno why.. maybe cause of interest too?? keong have nv like wat i do all the time n he gave in to me and e fact is at many a time i dun like his way of wasting time n not doing things too and end up we just use the excuse of him having tennis and we have no time to meet up?? i dunno.. all i know was it was a sad issue.. (SR + Faith once) ?? this is a confusing one?? i enjoy being with them.. faith always support me in doing many things even when i alway suan her.. but at times i cant stand the way they do things.. i.e?? SR n Faith just .. i realli cant put into words.. erm.. how to say.. wait.. i must have a good reason.. cause i know Faith is read ..hahaha..

better leave line for easy reading - maybe i will just say once.. i think they too must have notice the time line in btw where we drifted.. that time was cause everytime i meet faith , sumthing bad will happen.. like going wrong busstop , walking wrong way.. going down to an empty party , being fly pigeon..cannot get into a sync idea and so on.. i nv like to blame her or wad cause she is one of my best friend gf and they got together cause of my event and of cause like i mention faith is always there to support me.. but that time was realli a breaking point for me until i left a distance and until few months later we got back closer till now..

till now - things r fine still i guess so faith dun worry =) and i like to realli say thx for all the help..

and now is the million dollar question in my mind.. my best buddy since poly.. Jacky

Jacky - boss , leader , helpful , always there for me and teaching me..i do my fair share of helping him to..

why a million dollar question?? cause he is the real topic of today post - confuse..

yes confuse.. why?? he just fall in love with this 17 yr old girl and he is willing to buy the sea and get the stars for her if she want them seriously..and i'm happy to see him that happy too..

problem - the girl.. i dun realli trust this girl.. jacky knows it.. cause i always say it.. but when things are already told.. reminder is a borther.. so i dun do it.. i realli wonder how.. to me this girl is cute and sweet looking.. but her backgnd is a mystery.. she seems to me she is cheating him.. getting him to buy things.. send her around but problem is jacky says even she is cheating him.. he dun mind..

more problem - jacky say if he dies.. 33% of his assets goes to her..i'm not jealous i dun get it.. just that why?? u just know her for 1 mth plus.. i know time is nothing cause me too w my dear after knowing her for 1 mth plus.. but the things he is doing for her is ridiculously too much even when she is always lying to him and he knows!!!he wanna bring her overseas.. bring her to KTV and stoping us from singing n giving her the chance to sing.. shower her with tender love and care.. make her the lomantic i love u sign at sentosa..

problem again - sentosa.. that nite i was so angry.. i wack my room upside down.. why? cause i feel so sad for my dear.. she was left there with v goh n kong to do everything for the ger and have to drive faith back on her 2nd day of passing driving without anyone looking after her.. i was so worry i almost cry at home.. that was 2nd in fact.. 1st was she actually wanted to swim over the sea to help jacky put the candles for the girl.. FACTS - my dear cant swim =.=" worry sick me.. cause of jacky's girl.. i almost have the chance of losing my dear for twice.. i cant express more of it in words here but tears were in my brain and just couldnt escape into my eyes.. thats all..

ME - i cant take the fact jacky kip saying that " at least i know i have done it "
- " pple at afs respect me for wat i have done for her "
~ i guess it is just me being petty.. million $ question in my mind.. THEY help u do it.. and it is not even ur achievement.. why so proud?? my dear plan for u , kong v goh place it for u.. we chose the candles sr buy more over and faith was there to help too.. almost everyone play a part n all he did was drive the ger over and make everyone feeling hungry tired at the island until so late n me worrying my balls off my mouth for that girl..

the girl - i use to have a good impression of her.. but not now.. all the events that happen .. i use to trust jacky for taking care of my dear.. but now he drive the ger back n throw my dear at the busstop to take bus..

me Vs him - i'm not unhappy with jacky.. i wish he get a love one.. but if she is REALLY her love one and not one going after wat he have.. maybe realli just my point of view is too extreme or jacky is just too in love???

solution - none.. i am out of solution.. and i do NOT wanna use the same solution of escaping.. cause he is my brother.. i realli wish him happiness and i dun wan anything to happen to us..i can onli guild n remind him 1 thing.. but not choosing it for him... the choice is still ur's brother..

question - do i wish jacky to read this?? i have no idea if he knows abt my blog.. neither do i know if i wish him to read.. cause i have no idea how he will react.. but i realli wish him happiness and hope wat he choose is rite..


"People will nv b happy so long as their greed exceeds their needs and they dun comprehend the meaning of
the word enuff"